Thank you Emily. I am enjoying reading/listening, so gentle and poignant -just as I remember your father to be. I only met him a fews times, but his presence and your mother's have been constant in my life through the engravings and paintings that have come to me from my grandmother and my parents. I visited a few years ago with my son Fabian. We had a lovely lunch in the garden in brilliant sunshine. Love to you and your family, Miranda xx
Thank you so much for writing and I loved reading this and I love knowing all of it. I feel our families are interwoven through the generations. Thank you again for taking the time. Love to you, Fabian and your family too. Emily xx
Darling Em, you write so beautifully and honestly; I don't know if it's helped you or how much it matters, but you've brought us a little way in to the grief and complexity and the new life.
Thank you so much, dearest Ruth Valentine. It is definitely helping to have a creative outlet and quite honestly to have my words read rather than shut in a notebook means so much to me. That a few people have written in response, yourself included, feels ~ I'm not even sure how to describe it. Something like relief, joy, slight disbelief, fulfilment and happiness to be on an adventure of writing to see where the words lead on the ocean rather than in the bathtub.
I’ve definitely always suffered from the not good enough syndrome when it comes to writing, as I think you may know, and although I do sometimes/often find it hard I am practicing saying to myself fuck that and putting the words on Substack anyway.
And that is a good thing, I think. It's helping me breathe better and word by word deepening/widening the creative part of life, which I LOVE. And I LOVE making connections with people in the wider world through doing so. I am really looking forward to reading your Substack.
I feel closer to Dad writing too, and actually everyone I love. It’s helping to reflect how I feel and work it as we go, so to speak.
Are you finding that your writing is helping at the moment?
Hi Emily--forgot to say in my previous message. The part about the briefcase was especially poignant. All about what we hold onto and what we let go of. Hard choices sometimes, but....
Also, I'm absolutely astonished at the volume of work you accomplished in 2 weeks' time. You are a force!
Lastly, I'm not exactly sure what I meant in the previous message about your being the person your dad trusted to do the work of taking apart the studio. I think that was a partial thought, and maybe not one worth paying much attention to...I just don't know where I was going with it. Many apologies.
Emily, I am so moved by this entry. Dismantling is exactly the right word. Undoing a life. When I undid my mom and dad's lives (first, when Mom died, and second when Dad moved into Assisted Living), I felt like a thief, a bully, a fraud, and a very bad daughter. I loved them so much, but the act of 'dismantling' all that they had physically made/accrued/shared/identified as part of themselves was one of the most painful/stressful things I've ever done. I have so much empathy for you and so much appreciation for your experience. And awe and gratitude at your sharing it all in the honest and touching way you've done here. As others have assured you, it's really important to live your life around this other act of love, and to remember that you are the person your dad trusted to do the work.
Sending you much love in this time when your own love is being dispensed by the fistfuls.
Thanks again for sharing Emily, I’m sorry that it is so tough, not least in balance with all the other practical and emotional calls on you. Strong stuff to share, stay strong and well
This is so poignant to read, particularly for me, and honest in your changes of heart.
Thank you so much, and for saying that to me here. It means a lot.
Thank you Emily. I am enjoying reading/listening, so gentle and poignant -just as I remember your father to be. I only met him a fews times, but his presence and your mother's have been constant in my life through the engravings and paintings that have come to me from my grandmother and my parents. I visited a few years ago with my son Fabian. We had a lovely lunch in the garden in brilliant sunshine. Love to you and your family, Miranda xx
Dear Miranda,
Thank you so much for writing and I loved reading this and I love knowing all of it. I feel our families are interwoven through the generations. Thank you again for taking the time. Love to you, Fabian and your family too. Emily xx
Darling Em, you write so beautifully and honestly; I don't know if it's helped you or how much it matters, but you've brought us a little way in to the grief and complexity and the new life.
Thank you so much, dearest Ruth Valentine. It is definitely helping to have a creative outlet and quite honestly to have my words read rather than shut in a notebook means so much to me. That a few people have written in response, yourself included, feels ~ I'm not even sure how to describe it. Something like relief, joy, slight disbelief, fulfilment and happiness to be on an adventure of writing to see where the words lead on the ocean rather than in the bathtub.
I’ve definitely always suffered from the not good enough syndrome when it comes to writing, as I think you may know, and although I do sometimes/often find it hard I am practicing saying to myself fuck that and putting the words on Substack anyway.
And that is a good thing, I think. It's helping me breathe better and word by word deepening/widening the creative part of life, which I LOVE. And I LOVE making connections with people in the wider world through doing so. I am really looking forward to reading your Substack.
I feel closer to Dad writing too, and actually everyone I love. It’s helping to reflect how I feel and work it as we go, so to speak.
Are you finding that your writing is helping at the moment?
Hi Emily--forgot to say in my previous message. The part about the briefcase was especially poignant. All about what we hold onto and what we let go of. Hard choices sometimes, but....
Also, I'm absolutely astonished at the volume of work you accomplished in 2 weeks' time. You are a force!
Lastly, I'm not exactly sure what I meant in the previous message about your being the person your dad trusted to do the work of taking apart the studio. I think that was a partial thought, and maybe not one worth paying much attention to...I just don't know where I was going with it. Many apologies.
Emily, I am so moved by this entry. Dismantling is exactly the right word. Undoing a life. When I undid my mom and dad's lives (first, when Mom died, and second when Dad moved into Assisted Living), I felt like a thief, a bully, a fraud, and a very bad daughter. I loved them so much, but the act of 'dismantling' all that they had physically made/accrued/shared/identified as part of themselves was one of the most painful/stressful things I've ever done. I have so much empathy for you and so much appreciation for your experience. And awe and gratitude at your sharing it all in the honest and touching way you've done here. As others have assured you, it's really important to live your life around this other act of love, and to remember that you are the person your dad trusted to do the work.
Sending you much love in this time when your own love is being dispensed by the fistfuls.
What a heavy load to bare - so many responsibilities on so many levels. My word you write beautifully though
Thanks again for sharing Emily, I’m sorry that it is so tough, not least in balance with all the other practical and emotional calls on you. Strong stuff to share, stay strong and well